Today is much more than just Independence Day for me, much more than a historical holiday with fireworks and parades, and much more than a BBQ bonanza with burgers and baseball. It’s a day to celebrate emotional independence, overcoming codependency, and reclaimed liberty. Twenty years ago yesterday I eloped with my then-boyfriend, a volcanically active alcoholic and hash fiend. I had wanted to break up with him. Instead I married him. Totally logical, right? I then plummeted deeper into codependent behavior and only escaped when I was seven months pregnant.
Healing from Codependency
Anyhow, in the two decades since, I’ve learned a thing or two about healing from codependency. I’ve jotted the ones below that pop to mind.
- What other people think of me is none of my business. This is a toughie, especially for those of us who work in helping professions.
- If you try to please everybody, you will please nobody. If you work on pleasing yourself, you’ll please someone else along the way.
- An expectation is a premeditated resentment.
- Some people will never be happy no matter what. They may relish and WANT to stay unhappy. They delight when you trip up, and revel in your every little mistake like a fault-finding missile.
- Avoid negativity, gossip, and drama.
- Check your motives.
- People’s perceptions are their realities.
- Feelings are not facts, and the fact is we have feelings.
- First things first. Do what’s in front of you.
- We all have our own unique purpose in the world. If you and I were the same, then one of us would be redundant. No one else is “you-er than you” (Dr. Seuss said that, I reckon).
That’s it for now. Anyhow, I’m curious….what liberating nuggets have you learned to help you heal from codependency? Or, what codependent behavior do you aspire to un-learn?