You can’t please everyone, and you can’t make everyone like you. Katie Couric
Deep down in the core of every man, woman, and child–is an innate desire to be liked. Of course ADHDers want to be liked by other people, and it’s often a more extreme need for us than our neurotypical brothers and sisters.
1. We want people to like us, even if we don’t like them. Think of all the stupid stuff you did in high school to get attention. One time girl with Janet Jackson hair in my ninth grade ancient civ class told said, “Some girl came up to me and said you were a bitch….” I was devastated. I had worked so hard to make sure everyone liked me. I couldn’t believe that this nameless hater actually disliked me!
2. ADHDers only want to start and complete that we like. Do you live by the mantra, if it’s not fun, it won’t get done! As a grown-up now, I’ve found ways to deal with that. I make myself finish a boring task by rewarding myself with something fun at the end, talking on the phone while working on a mundane chore, watching a movie while folding laundry, or enlisting a friend to come hang out while you work on them.
3. We like to work where we’re liked and appreciated. A long time ago, in a septic school I worked at far, far away, the principal thought I was too creative, and I didn’t fit in with the cookie cutter staff. Soon after starting the school year, I wilted and shut down. I would avoid the toxic teachers by eating lunch in my classroom.
If you’re imprisoned in an unhealthy work environment that’s draining the life out of you, here are a few strategies that can help:
a). Pray and journal
b). make sure your side of the street is clean, do a spot-check inventory on your behavior. If you’re being an obnoxious jerk, stop it already.
c). spot your workplace allies fast, and stick with them. If there are none, then so be it!
d). keep your mouth shut and document on
d). do your best every day, hold your head high, get lots of support outside of work, and smile.
e). look for a new job where your skills and talents will be appreciated. If you get a weird gut feeling about the place where you’re interviewing, do NOT take the job!
f). Do not cower before anyone, no matter how low you feel.
And remember what the ADHD Dr. Superhero tweeted…
#ADHD: Don’t stay too long where you aren’t understood or appreciated.
— drhallowell (@drhallowell) March 13, 2014
If you try to please everybody, you will please nobody and get nothing done. You will be like a desperate politician running around appealing to every special interest group and lobbyist that drives to D.C. If you please yourself, then you will end up making a few friends along the way.
Since working harder on my personal growth than anything else, I’ve shed much of an unhealthy, extreme need for approval. I’m selective about the people I spend time with and the environments I’m in. I’m a much happier, more confident, and productive ADHD chica.
How about you?